throwing waffles

John: What kind of gum is that?
Me: It’s a new flavor – Orbit Strawberry Mint. I have to try it.
John: Cool.
Cashier: You know when you eat something really sweet immediately after brushing your teeth? It tastes like that.
Me: Ew.
Cashier: That’ll be $1.07.
Me: Oh. Well I’ll have to try it and see how it goes.
Cashier: Oh. Ummmmm…
Me: It’ll be fun.
Cashier: … you can return it at customer service on your way out …

C: Someone brought in cookies for National Library Week.
E: Oh! Cookies!
C: But look, they are gross cookies.
E: Eh. A cookie’s a cookie.
C: Are you really sure about that?
E: Well yeah. I mean, it’s a cookie.
C: Well I doubt you’d say that a beer’s a beer.
E: That’s true. Good point. I retract my earlier statement about the cookies.
C: Okay good. I am relieved.
E: But I think I would eat one of those cookies if it was in front of me. Sure, I’d prefer fancy, tasty cookies, but I mean, I’d eat one of the gross ones, probably.
C: Well yeah. That’s fair. Same for the beer.
E: Yeah.

Me: Alright, I’m going to head to Target now.
Dad: Okay, have fun.
Mom: You should really wear a scarf. All of your body heat is escaping through your neck. And your dumb head.
Me: Oh okay. I’ll go get my — wait. Mom? Did you just say "And your dumb head" ?
Mom: No, of course not. Would I say something like that?
Me: I think you just did.
Mom: Maybe.